Feeling Insecure At Open Studio


Something I forgot to mention in the video that was contributing to my self conscious feeling, was the fact that the last time I was there I had a lady say to me “ohhh, how cute, you brought your little markers and craft supplies” 😐. I’ve not felt insecure about my supplies before - I use them confidently and am thankful for their ease of transport and mark making I get with them. But that comment made me feel little and less than an artist. I kind of wanted to say to her “my paintings sell around the world” - but of course I didn’t say that to her. I can’t remember what I said to her - probably nothing. I think I just turned around back to my desk and kept laying out my “craft supplies” 😂.

here’s the whole ‘craft table’ spread

Both times I’ve been to Open Studio I’ve had a FANTASTIC time! It’s well worth pressing through whatever uncomfortableness we may feel. It ALWAYS gets easier - well, that is, if we keep coming back - that’s the key! Keep on keeping on! It takes ‘working out’ of those ‘muscles’ in self talk. We ALL have the talk. What are we going to do with it? Everything in me wants to not only push through it but use it for fuel for empathy for others. To remind myself that others in that room are feeling the same thing. What will I do with that? If I turn inward I won’t love others well and I don’t want that. Self absorption consumes you like fire.

My identity is not anchored in myself or my art - it’s anchored in the Creator of the universe and I want to look to Him for cues on how I think about myself, what I create and how I create. I want to create without the consuming flames of self absorption. I want to be able to enjoy creating - I think I honor God best when I first just enjoy this gift He’s given me. Welllllll, I didn’t mean to go on this long but here we are 😂.

I’m going to wrap this up now. I hope it was helpful to hear me thoughts and to share my inner feeling of insecurity and how I process those things. Let’s not get all caught up in the blopety blob of self - it steals too much.

me working at my “craft” table 😂